Today I’m coming at you with a message that I’ve found myself saying a lot lately: Please, my dear friend, stop worrying about what others are thinking.
I know it’s hard, but please do your best to stop. Stop thinking about what others are thinking about you and your business.
Today I'll be sharing a 3-step process to help you with this. But first, let me tell you a little a bit about why it's so important and share a couple of personal examples.
“What others think about you is none of your business." - Unknown
You’ve probably heard that quote before. It's a great one to keep in mind, but it's easier said than done. This mindset is certainly not easy for me. I am a people pleaser to my core and I worry about what other people think all the time. I do not like people to be upset. For me, that's an incredibly uncomfortable feeling.
I have to really, really try to not think too much about what other people think. So if you struggle with this, know that you are not alone!
**This was also a podcast episode (episode #113). Use the player below if you'd prefer to listen to this message.
Be selective about the feedback you let into your life
Do you know Brené Brown? If not, please go read all her books because you need to know her. She has studied vulnerability for a really long time, and she talks about showing up with vulnerability and not being afraid of what other people think. Here is one of her quotes that truly impacted my life:
“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” - Brené Brown
Can I get an amen?!
For me, this was a defining moment when I thought about this. If someone on the sidelines in the cheap seats is telling me what I’m doing is wrong, stupid, or silly while they’re sipping their soda sitting on their butt, I’m done.
I’m all in friend. I’m showing up, I’m trying and failing daily around here. But I get up every day and do it again. Because when I win, I help you, and then you help someone else, and that makes the world a better place.
My story - and how it relates to you and your yoga business
Let me first say that my friends and family are usually incredibly supportive of my business, and I don't remember who exactly said this, but someone in the past referred to my business as "Amanda's little business."
Every time I think about it, it hurts. We all have people who love and support us, but can say something thoughtless in passing that sticks with us.
Now on hard days when my revenue is down, or when something I tried doesn't work out , then those words ring in my ear: "Amanda's little business." And it can really eat me up if I allow it to get under my skin.
Another example I have is when I was laid off from my corporate job. I have a very clear "story" in my head about what happened this day. I really respect the CEO of the business that laid me off. And so in that moment, what went through my head was "This person that I really respect doesn't think I'm good enough to work here." When I first started my business helping yoga teachers, the CEO that laid me off from my corporate job signed up for my email list. For way too long, I thought about her every single time I wrote an email. I kept thinking: What is she going to think I'm doing starting this business? Is she going to think this is stupid?
I'm telling you this because I don't want you to feel alone if you've felt this way. And I want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will get past this.
What I eventually recognized is that I was writing to someone who was never going to hire me! She's not my target audience. But I was writing my emails thinking of HER instead of YOU.
I say all of this to say: These things stopped me.
They stopped me from moving faster.
They stopped me from creating content that I really cared about.
They stopped me from helping you faster.
I was creating content for the wrong person. And once I stopped thinking about creating content for someone who was never going to hire me, I started helping you and my business grew faster, because I was creating the right content for YOU.
So here's your chance, friend:
Draw the line in the sand right now and say NO MORE.
Say to yourself: I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not creating these false stories, and I'm not letting thoughts of other people stop my progress.
My new phrase (and feel free to adopt it): “If you don’t help me pay my business bills, interact with my content, or pay my salary, then I don’t pay attention to what you say when it comes to my business.”
To clarify: If you’re hanging out with me on instagram or listening to this podcast and learning and engaging with me, believe me, I am listening to you. You are helping me grow my business, and even though you may not be paying me in currency, you're paying me in energy, and I totally respect that. Thank you for that.
And now - on to the three-step process!
1. Recognize It
Recognize that someone said something that's affecting you, or recognize that you are creating this story in your mind. Recognize that it's stopping you.
You have to recognize it before you make a change. Notice that something someone said something that is hurting your feelings. Notice that you keep worrying about a what a couple of people in particular think.
Before I started showing up as myself on instagram and being silly, I was very concerned about what my best friends would think. The thing is, it's just a different approach when we're running an online business. We're going to show up in a different way.
Step one is simply knowing when it’s happening. Notice and call it out to yourself, not to other people. This is internal work.
2. Rephrase It
Take what they said (or what you’re thinking they think) and rephrase it for you. Just you.
When it comes to the personal story where someone referred to my business as "Amanda's little business" - I reframed it like this: My “little business” just helped 900 people learn now to use Zoom, my "little business" just allowed Susan to finally quit her day job and teach yoga full time.
When I hear someone say "I'm just teaching yoga," I say - take that "just" out! You are teaching yoga. You aren't "just" teaching yoga. We have to rephrase these thoughts.
You could think thoughts like this instead: "I helped ease Sally's chronic pain with my yoga teaching," or "my donation-based yoga in the park class allowed me to gift $50 to a local nonprofit." Of course, make it personal to you. You've made a difference in the world.
When I think about my ex-boss reading my emails, now I tell myself that she will be proud of what I’ve done with my business! She will be cheering me on silently. If she’s judgemental, that says more about her than me.
3. Return It
Return to yourself, your center, your groundedness. You are a yoga teacher and you help people do this all the time. Please remember to do it for yourself! What someone else thinks about you is their own judgement, their own thought process, and it has nothing to do with you.
And then, after that - return to your audience with something that will be helpful to them. How can you help someone today? When we return to who is paying attention to us and asking for help, we will remember why we’re doing this.
Every time I hear “thank you, Amanda” I smile and the sting of my “little business” is forgotten more.
Recognize it, Rephrase it, & Return it.
You know how when something makes you mad, you go “arrrrrrrrrrgggh!” Well, think R-R-R instead. Recognize it, Rephrase it, & Return it.
Your next step
Your next step from today is to listen to me read Brené’s words again and let them wash over you.
“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” - Brené Brown
Until next time, give yourself permission to be 100% you and grace along the way.
"What someone else thinks about you is their own judgement, their own thought process, and it has nothing to do with you." - Amanda McKinney